Turning 40

Being 40 feels a lot calmer than being 30.

At this age, my body is past its peak. Not exercising for a couple of days makes me feel stiff. Engaging in a lot of brain activity leaves me exhausted. White hair has started to come out and the signs are all out there for me to see that a certain amount of time has passed since I have been this body.

I can see emotions come in and out more clearly. A stimulus captured by the senses takes more time to be converted into overpowering emotion. This extra time is what is probably called wisdom. I can let a stinging emotion be dissipated with indifference. I can slow down a delightful one, to experience the moment more clearly. I can take a criticism and turn it on its head, and let appreciation pass peacefully.

Things are the way they are, because the world is the way it is. ~ N. K. Jemisin

One reason for wisdom is that I have learnt to make peace with my circumstances. I have begun to understand that the world is a lot more complex than I can probably understand and there are many things that will never be in my control. By not having to fight the circumstance, I feel a lot lighter.

I have begun to see that many of the struggles are only in my mind. And so are the walls. If I push the walls, they crumble like dust. These are the walls that society has built for us, and it is only our indoctrination that keeps us bound.

I have realized that taking children out of schools is no big deal, being transparent is the best way to do business, giving away software is how the future will be, avoiding empty social norms is perfectly fine, and real happiness comes from spending time with yourself and your family.

The unexamined life is not worth living ~ Socrates

All through my life I have been told “truths”, many of which were never true, and it is only now I am realizing to differentiate between the two. I have realized that intellectual honesty comes from relentless curiosity and questioning, and we start decaying when we stop asking questions. Rather than accepting well followed norms, I have learnt that starting from first principles is surprisingly simple.

I have realized that more I seek truth and honesty, the more I have begun to live in harmony. Wherever there is confusion, I have learnt to listen. I feel that all my experiments have brought me closer to the true state of the universe and I feel alive like never before.

There is still a lot of tension from the various expectations around me, but now I have accepted that I will not be able to fulfill each and everyone of them. I have learnt to let guilt go and to listen to my heart. I have learnt that my body knows more than my mind, and it can lead me to all the solutions I need, only if I listen to it.

The gift that I have received turning 40 is the acceptance that things are not perfect and will never perhaps be. All I can do is to keep trying to make them a little bit better.